Archive for September 2010
Her friends asked her: “what is it that you love about him? why do you love him? don’t you see his faults?”
She answered: “I’m sure I love him, but why and what I love about him, it’s either I stay silent or talk from now till forever. He has no faults…”
Her friend interrupted: “He’s a human being, he makes mistakes. Don’t say he has no faults.”
She laughed and said: “I’m not saying he’s perfect. To me he has no faults, cause I do understand him well, know how he thinks, why he acts in such a way, and above all, what you call faults in him, they don’t disturb me. I love him because of who he is, not of who people want him to be. I fell for his personality, for his laugh, for his jokes and even the lame ones, for his way of thinking, for the look in his eyes, for the way he tries to make people feel comfortable, for his kindness, for the way he eats, for every thing he is and everything he does. We’ve had so many heart to heart conversations, and I know how he evaluates things, how he plans, what he likes and what he dislikes. I love him for being a mature person, and for the child in him; he just knows the time for each role to be played. When he’s away, I miss him terribly, but everything I see or everything that happens reminds me of him. I would say to myself that if he was with me he would have said this or done this. I can’t eat or drink his favorite food or drink without him. When I’m with him, I just forget that the world exists. And when I’m not with him I dream of the moment I’ll see him and talk to him. He makes me feel safe, I don’t know why or how, but I just feel safe being next to him; I guess he’s my superhero! I should have kept silent! I warned you girls!”
One of her friends answered: “Well, I just hope that one day you’ll be more than friends and hope you’ll be able to tell him how you feel.”
I’ve had enough, and more than enough problems to solve. But why don’t they leave me alone? Why do I have to solve the same problems over and over again? Why some of them never seem to go away? Why do they multiply? I mean, when I thought I found a solution, the problem, all of a sudden, seemed bigger. That makes me doubt my plan and my goal, and I start to question myself “Where did I go wrong? Am I aiming for something wrong? Have I drawn the wrong plan?” But so far, I haven’t found any reasonable answer to my questions, because I’m still fighting and trying to solve the same issues. Not sure what to do. Shall I give up? Shall I have a new goal? Shall I have a new plan? I don’t know. I actually worked on different plans, and none worked. You know what worked? Giving up. Yes. Weird, isn’t it? Well, I had few things I wanted to accomplish or have in my life; but just when I convinced myself (after so many trials to achieve them) that I won’t have those, my wishes were granted in the simplest ways ever. So, now, a couple of things are bugging me, and I’m almost in plan Z, shall I give up and wait for a miracle? I have no idea what to do. Tired, lost and confused.